So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
