I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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