So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
