All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
