I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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