Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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