I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The uberlube is also flammable
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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