omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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