I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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