i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
