im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize