obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
