Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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