I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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