We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
