I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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