allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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