The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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