32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
