mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just want nice things and good sex
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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