Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Found your dick twin last night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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