does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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