This girl is more easily done than said...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
