I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
