He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
