I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
In other news, I just burned my penis
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
