Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
