There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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