Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
