I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize