FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
