This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
