i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
