is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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