it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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