Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
