It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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