Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
