Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
