So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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