im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
