She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
