Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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