Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
