census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize