You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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