yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize