Who did Billy Mays play for?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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