I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
