dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
