is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Randomize
