He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
