There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
