NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
