You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
