college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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