god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
