cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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