so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
