Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
