i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
