Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
