So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize