The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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