this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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