I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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