I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize