the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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