I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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