What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
