My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
