I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
