I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
