My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
