Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
