I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
