Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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