For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he was CRYING into my vagina
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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