This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my phone needs a breathalizer
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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