i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
