I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
