I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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