I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
