Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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