my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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